there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This is my gift to your gina
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
