me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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