U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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