Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
