I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
