I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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