Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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