Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
