We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize