her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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