I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
