We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
