My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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