he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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