Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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