I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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