Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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