you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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