does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
