Where is the hickey?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
