i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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