he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
