Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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