you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
