I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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