One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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