I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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