There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
