so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
