You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
