I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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