You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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