Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
