he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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