Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i've created a new STD.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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