I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
