Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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