dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize