OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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