Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
