We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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