Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
