And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
