Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
