Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
