Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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