One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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