you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
