she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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