i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
