Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
