I wannas sexs uuuuu
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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