well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
