i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
