i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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