3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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