Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
