You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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