i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
