Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
