.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
