Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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