To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
