I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
