Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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