btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
