I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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