dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize