He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
your like the ambassador to my penis.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I want is dick and wine.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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