My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
