Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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