I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
