I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
