my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
