The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
